


im not "supposed" to be anything

by polynaporus



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Character Study, Cultural Differences, Culture Shock, Dream Smp, Gender Identity, Implied/Referenced Transphobia, Nonbinary BadBoyHalo, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:07:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polynaporus/pseuds/polynaporus
Summary: an exploration of dsmp!badboyhalo being nonbinary, inspired by the "bigboobyhalo" joke, bc why can't bbh have tits, having tits is awesome.or: bbh is a nether demon, and nether demons don't have gender. too bad no one else understands that, until he finds people who do.
Relationships: BadBoyHalo & Skeppy
Comments: 15
Kudos: 104





	im not "supposed" to be anything

**Author's Note:**

> this is was originally posted on tumblr and people really liked it, so this is a much more polished version. most characters genders are intentionally vague so all different types of trans people can feel represented. enjoy ^-^
> 
> having to use real name tags caused me real pain btw. this about the dream smp characters if that wasn't clear already

BadBoyHalo is a person. A living, breathing, sentient life form that has thoughts and a personality and exists. It is content with that. Bad is not a human, because it is a nether demon, and nether demons differ from humans in many fundamental ways. 

For the longest time, Bad didn’t know those differences existed or mattered. It never had to consider the conflicts between nether society and overworld society, until the universe gave it a reason to leave. 

Skeppy told Bad it would love the overworld. And for the most part, Bad did, because he was there with Skeppy. But overworld society was confusing and different, with rules and customs that didn't make sense. Some things were hard to adjust too. Skeppy wasn’t human either, but he knew a lot more about how their world worked. Bad was lucky to have someone so understanding to explain everything. 

If Bad’s being honest with itself, there are some human concepts it might never understand. Who would blame it, though? Humans have a tendency to apply their arbitrary and restricting rules to things that don’t follow them. Why should a being from another dimension be expected to fit in boxes made for someone else? 

The worst of the human concepts the Bad simply couldn’t grasp was gender. 

One day, not long after Bad came to the overworld, Skeppy was introducing it to a friend, and Bad noticed that Skeppy referred to it as a “he.” It didn't have any idea what that meant. Bad hoped it was good, but it didn't want to interrupt so as soon as they got home, it asked Skeppy about it. 

“Skeppy, what is a ‘he’?”

“Um… he is a masculine pronoun? Aren’t there pronouns in standard galactic?” Skeppy replied, a bit confused. 

“Yes, there are pronouns, but there’s just one to refer to other people.” Bad replied. Standard galactic is a gender neutral language, because, well, its standard. If you want to have a standardized language for use across the multiverse, you need to be able to incorporate the ever increasing variety of societal structures and understandings of gender. It’s better to just avoid them. 

“Oh. Well in english, we have different pronouns to refer to people of different genders. I shouldn't have- you don’t have to be a ‘he’ if you don’t want to, there are other options.” Skeppy explained, hoping that there was at least some concept of gender in the nether, because there was no way he would be able to explain that. 

“You’re a ‘he,’ right Skeppy?” Bad asked. 

“Yes…?” Skeppy replied. 

“Well then, I can be a ‘he’ too.” Bad said happily. 

“Bad, there are other options, you should pick something that you like. There’s she and they and xe and other stuff, we can find something that’s similar to standard galactic.”

“We’re best friends Skeppy, I want us to match!” 

“Oh.”

Bad thought that was it. He could pick a pronoun so people could talk about him and continue to live his life. But human rules about gender were inescapable. 

Bad was a nine foot tall demon with black skin and glowing eyes. He literally had horns growing out of his head, yet a few curves seemed to be a point of contention. Back home, nobody would have batted an eye. 

In the overworld, things were very different. His demonic appearance got a few odd looks, but for some reason his body type warranted rude comments. It just didn't make sense. So, like with every weird human thing, Bad decided the best course of action would be to ask Skeppy. 

“Skeppy, is having boobs bad? 

“I- what? Bad?” Skeppy whirled around to look at Bad in confusion. 

“People say that I have… that and then they say other weird things so I was wondering, is it bad?” 

“No, it’s not bad! Boobs are great. Bad, do I need to talk to someone?” Skeppy said, mind already racing through worse and worse things some asshole could have said to Bad. 

“Ok, good. But why are people so upset, if having them is great?” Bad asked, still confused. 

“Because people are dumb. Human men don’t usually have them, so people think no men should. Pretty lame honestly.” 

“But I’m not a man?” 

“You’re not?! Bad- I thought... You never said anything!” 

“Well, maybe I am, I don’t know, demons don’t work like that. I’ve never really thought about it before. Doesn’t everyone really think I’m a man? And that's why I’m doing it wrong?

“Probably,” Skeppy responded before he processed everything Bad had just said. “Wait, oh no, Bad, you’re not doing anything wrong, it’s everyone else who is wrong, ok. You're exactly right the way you are and people who don’t respect that suck.” 

Skeppy didn't quite understand Bad’s experiences, but he did understand his own ability to enact violence against people who made Bad upset. Bad was a demon from hell, why was having boobs what they cared about? Fucking idiots. 

“Gender is so dumb, Skeppy, I just want to exist,” Bad said, frustration clear in his voice. 

“I know Bad, I know,” Skeppy replied, “Do you want a hug?”

“Yes,” Bad pouted. Skeppy wrapped his arms around the demon and smiled to himself when he realized, because of Bad’s height, he was essentially using Bad’s tits as a pillow. 

“See, Bad, they’re great. Built in pillow!”

“Oh, that is perfect ^-^” Bad said, perking up. 

“Next time someone says something weird to you, just give them an evil demon look. You’re scary when you try.”

“I know, I just feel bad! I don't want to be mean.”

“You need to be mean! Assert yourself!” Skeppy said, stepping out of the hug to give Bad a serious look. 

“Ok, ok, I’ll try. Next time.” 

“Good.” 

And that was that. Bad still felt conflicted, though. Even if he wasn’t a man, he didn't hate the idea of being one. But that feeling was for him! Not for anyone else. They could never understand. They wouldn’t be able to get it right. 

“Wait, so Bad, if demons dont have different genders, how do they have kids?” Skeppy asked, just as Bad was about to leave the room. 

“We have summoning rituals? Do humans do something else?” Bad replied.

Skeppy laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I was just wondering, since you have boobs…”

“Skeppy! What the muffin?!” Skeppy couldn’t be implying… he would never!

“Sorry, sorry!” Skeppy continued laughing as Bad glared at him. 

After that, Bad tried his best to be more assertive, and, for the most part it worked. One stern look from a nine foot demon shuts most people up. With a little help from Skeppy, he explained to their friends he was just a person. Bad never actually noticed them treating him different, but it still felt different. Better. 

That only lasted until they got Sapnap. 

For some reason, showing up one day with a baby he found in the nether made people think they had a free pass to say whatever they wanted. Bad was sure some of them we’re trying to make him uncomfortable, but the implications were incredibly upsetting. Even if he wanted too (which he didn’t), he was a demon and baby Sapnap was a human! He couldn’t! 

Skeppy has told him his boobs were for “looking hot and taking naps,” so why couldn’t people understand it? Bad was sick of people making a big deal out of nothing. It was his body, why did other people even care? It was all so muffined up. 

“I don’t get it, Skeppy! I don’t want anyone to think about me anymore,” Bad said one night when they were lying in bed. 

“I know Bad. I’m sorry.” Skeppy said, rubbing his shoulder. 

“They’re not for that! I’m his dad,” Bad took a deep breath, trying to hold back tears of frustration. “It makes me feel so icky. But if I tell people I’m his dad to make them stop, they don’t understand why I have them. I have boobs because I like it.”

“I’ll make them understand for you, ok. I’ll fight people who are weird to you. I’ll kill ‘em.” Skeppy said, wiping a tear off Bad’s cheek. 

“You don’t need to go that far.”

“Yes I do. I’m gonna kill ‘em Bad.” 

“Skeppy….”

“You’re so upset and I hate it! If you won’t let me kill them, we’re moving out of here as soon as Sapnap is old enough.” Skeppy gave Bad a serious look. 

“That would be nice,” Bad said wistfully. 

“And you need to make some more friends who aren’t humans.” 

“You think that would help?”

“Yeah. I know there are people like you out there, you just need to find them.”

“I hope so.”

True to his word, Skeppy made them move out only a few years later. He would have liked for it to be sooner, but there’s only so much you can do when you have a literal baby. 

Together, Skeppy and Bad spent a lot of time researching places and eventually settled on a small town called Dream SMP. Bad was skeptical of it. For as muffined up this town was, he had gotten used to it. Having to adjust to something entirely didn’t sound worth the work. Skeppy promised him that it would be different, and Bad wanted to believe him. 

It turned out that Dream SMP was better than anything Bad could have envisioned. They were able to fit in so easily. There were other kids for little Sapnap to play with, and not only other inhumans, but another netherfolk. Bad was in awe. He’d been living in the overworld for years, and never met another netherfolk. 

Technoblade was his name, and he was a piglin. Skeppy ended up friends with him first, because only Skeppy would be the one to go knock on the door of someone who pretty clearly wants to be left alone. It worked out however, and after Skeppy dragged Bad along to one of their hangouts, the two netherfolk spent hours commiserating about the stupidity of overworld society. 

While Techno had been in the overworld much longer, like bad, he didn’t think he’d ever fully fit in. 

“The language barrier still gets to me.” Techno said.

“I know, it just doesn’t make sense! Standard galactic is so much simpler.” Bad agreed. 

“Why people in the overworld have so many words to say the same thing will never make sense to me.”

“Literally! Just say what you mean.” 

Bad was overjoyed when Techno told him that human gender was overrated and he used he/him pronouns because they were the first pronouns someone had used for him. Another netherfolk just like him… Bad felt so much less alone. 

It was a shame that Bad didn’t spend too much time with Techno, since he lived a bit out of the way and Bad was always busy with little Sapnap. But just knowing he existed made Bad feel more confident in himself. 

Bad was able to make other inhuman friends though. He clicked with a creeper mutant named Sam, and a cat by the name of Antfrost. Knowing more people who weren’t human than just Skeppy was better, it turned out. They had no expectations about what a person was and who he was supposed to be. He could simply just exist around them. 

Living in Dream SMP was almost too good to be true. Sure, some people gave him odd looks, but it was always awe at his looming demonic presence and everyone warmed up as soon as Bad introduced himself. 

He was a lot happier there, but there was still a sinking feeling that it wasn’t going to last. Eventually he decided he should just… say something to his friends. He just had to know why they didn’t care about how he looked. 

So the next time he was with Sam and Ant, he asked. 

“In the last overworld city I lived in, everyone was so weird about me having..” Bad gestured vaguely to his chest, “and you guys haven’t said anything. Why?”

“Because that would be messed up?” Sam said, almost confused. “The people in your last town had problems, Bad. You should do what makes you happy, and if that’s being a guy with boobs, everyone needs to respect that.” 

“Exactly! I don't care about your boobs. Honestly, I think it’s cool.” Ant added. 

Skeppy would have told him this was the least he deserved, but it was so different than before. He couldn’t quite believe it. 

“Oh. Um, that's really nice. ^-^ But, I’m not a guy, just a person.” Bad knew that they wouldn't care, but it still felt like going too far. Like if he was too honest it would be the last straw that made people hate him again. 

“Of course, Bad! You’re a person with boobs, that's great.” Sam said. “Honestly, I get the feeling of being a just person, and I bet Ant does too. When you're not a human, all that stuff is just… weird.” 

Sam was way too nice, Bad thought. He was expecting just a simple acknowledgement, not genuine support. Skeppy was going to be insufferable when he heard that his theory about fellow inhumans understanding was right. 

“Yeah, trying to fit into human boxes when you're not a human is a little difficult.” Ant added, “I’ve found mine, but I know some people who might have some of the same feelings about gender as you. “

Bad’s friends were too nice! Offering to introduce him to people like him… it was all too much. 

Ant took Bad to meet his friend Punz first, because he knew them better. 

“Hey Punz, this is BadBoyHalo. Um, people were really mean to him because he has a complicated relationship with gender so I wanted him to meet people like him.” Ant said to Punz, as the three of the stood in the entrance to Punz’ house. 

“Hi ^-^” Bad waved at Punz. 

“Nice to meet you, Bad. I don't think I’m the right person if you actually want to talk about gender though. I’m too busy getting bitches to care about that shit.” Punz said as they guestered for Bad and Ant to come inside. 

“Oh! Language!”

Punz gave Bad a look. 

“I don’t know how well this is gonna work,” Punz laughed, “but I’ll try to keep my swearing to a minimum.” 

Despite their seemingly conflicting personalities, Bad quickly warmed up to Punz. They introduced Bad to their bees and complimented him on his attempt to look intimidating. 

Bad left Punz’ with instructions to meet someone called Eret. Apparently she lived near a castle and wouldn’t be hard to find. 

Getting to know Eret was the closest thing Bad had ever felt to being truly understood. 

“Exactly! On some level, its all dumb and arbitrary, but it means something to me. I like having a gender, and I want to have the words to describe it, but sometimes it only matters in certain situations. Did that make any sense?” Eret had been taking Bad on a tour of the castle, and eventually their conversation had shifted to the original reason for Bad’s visit. 

“Yes!. Because, you know, I’m not opposed to being sort of like a man, I like he/him pronouns, I want people to think of me as Sapnap’s dad, but I don't want other people to think of me as a man. Especially not when my… boobs are involved. I just have a body, it doesn’t mean anything.” Bad agreed. 

“Oh yeah. Having titties is pretty pog of you, I’m glad it makes you happy.” 

Bad smiled at that. It did make him happy. 

It was nice, knowing humans went through the same struggles he did. The ever growing realization that so many people went through the same experiences he did made Bad so much more confident in himself. Sure, weird people were still out there, but it wasn’t as overwhelming as before. He wasn’t the only one. 

BadBoyHalo is a person. A living, breathing sentient being with a personality and thoughts. Bad has boobs, which is awesome, but he’s not a woman. Bad likes to use he/him pronouns, but he’s not a man. People who don't respect that, well, let's just say they’ll be catching several pairs of hands.

**Author's Note:**

> this was very inspired by my friend commieinnit on tumblr yall should go follow them! and also follow me homophobicpunz :)
> 
> if this fic made u feel happy/represented/whatever please leave a comment! i'd love to hear that means a lot to me.


End file.
